Laser'd

The last three days, I've been waking up at the ungodly early hour of 6:30 am so that I can head to the hospital to be shot with lasers. Despite the awful description, in real life it actually hasn't been that bad.

Ivy for one is ecstatic, because it means that she can have breakfast a little before her normal 7am time.

Radiation therapy - the official term for being lasered near the groin area - is also a lot less difficult on my body than chemotherapy. I'm given a 30 minute timeslot at the hospital every day. The procedure only lasts for a few minutes. The rest of the time is spent making sure that my body is in the perfect position so that the laser hits its tumorous mark.

The day before my radiotherapy was to begin, I spent a little over half an hour lying on a steel bed, getting my body aligned in a simulation of the actual sessions. Once the technicians agreed that I was in the perfect position, they undertook a very sophisticated method to record my position - they grabbed a Sharpie and drew dots and crosshairs on my body marking the tumor and the positional reference points. They then covered up the markings with transparent tape so that they would not be wiped off the next time that I took a shower.

The few minutes that I spent being lasered are just as underwhelming as the above paragraph. I am lying faceup in the machine, my left legs bent like a frog's to expose the aforementioned markings. A large square material akin to a fruit leather snack is slapped over the area to be treated. My private bits are cradled in a mesh cloth not dissimilar to how Asian pears are packaged at a supermarket, and for the same reason - so that they do not get bruised. The technicians leave the room, shutting the disconcertingly large radiation shielding door behind them.

Phil Collins music is pumped through the bluetooth speakers.

The machine hums. Softly.

The machine stops.

The music is cut.

The door opens.

The fruit leather-ish material is removed and tossed into a radiation hazard disposal bin. I put my clothes back on and head out the door and head to work.

3 sessions down, 9 to go!